WEINER APPARENTLY MISSED AN IMPORTANT SECOND GRADE LESSON.

When I was in second grade I learned a most valuable lesson.  We were rehearsing for the winter sing when our music teacher gave us some pointers about being on stage under bright lights.  She told us, “even though we can’t see the audience they can see us…so if you pick your nose, someone will see it!”

How I learned infinity

the-end-of-spacel

When I was seven years old I asked my dad, “What size is the universe?”  The problem with needing a size assigned is that the entity needs an end.  So my dad posed the question to me, “What’s at the end of the universe?”

“A big wall,” I suggested.

Then he made a plea to my young mind.  He said, “What’s easier to imagine a wall surrounding the universe or an endless universe?”

It wasn’t until I was much older that I finally discarded the wall idea.

I’m Ok, you have clothes in the dryer you need to fold

As a young married couple the purchase of our first house was a time to celebrate.  As part of the ceremony of the purchase I was expected to entertain the in-laws.  In fact the order in which the first visitors were invited was something of major politics.  To keep the peace one of the first to visit us for dinner was a relative of my husband who I shall call Mabel.washingmachinelady1

To get the house ready to entertain I started cleaning a few days prior to the dinner date.  I cleaned the house top to bottom and side to side.  Mabel was a judgmental person and I wanted to her to see the flawless perfection that was me as a housewife.

As I arrived home that afternoon I worried that I may have missed a detail and a flaw would be discovered.  On my way to my back door I saw and greeted my neighbor.  I told her that I had work to do.  I explained the guest that I was about to face and how I was pre-occupied with details.  She told me she had just read I’m Ok, You’re Ok, and in an attempt to simply Transactional Analysis she told me, “If a person needs to find your flaw they will look until they discover it, so the best thing to do is to put the flaw on the front doorstep so that they see it immediately.  They will stop the search before they enter the house.”

Making dinner I pondered the advice.  It made sense and knowing Mabel she would look until she found it.  However, at that point the house was clean and perfect and flawless…except… in the laundry room in the dryer was a load of clothes that I had yet to fold.  I could have left the kitchen and folded and put away the clothes, but I have never had a guest go into the laundry room, let alone look into the machines

You know where this story goes.  We had a nice dinner and as I was doing the dishes after dinner I hear a voice coming from the laundry room “oh look you still have clothes in the dryer.”

The next time Mabel came to dinner she ate in the laundry room.

Where are the hippies when you need them?

Why did I do this?  Why did I take the photo of the “Octomom” (the lady who recently gave birth to octuplets) posted and watermarked by TMZ.com and remove the watermark and put hippie flowers and a peace sign on it?  Why did I do this?  I obviously had some soul searching to do.octmomflowerpower2

I don’t hate on this lady.  We are fellow mothers.  I truly wish her and her kids well.  A child is a blessing, and she has been blessed BIG time.  What bothers me is the circus that was created by this extraordinary multi-birth event.  If this had been a headline in the 60’s there would have been acceptance of her by the masses, not the ridicule and judgment that she endures today.  Maybe I put the flowers on her belly because I long for the 60’s and universal love.

Hippies were all about love, and live and let live, and everyone is beautiful in their own way.  The best part of the hippie movement was the flowers and love beads.  Nothing brightened up a day more than handing a complete stranger a flower.  The flower children accepted everyone as a brother or sister.  If “Octomom” had delivered in the 60’s there would have been an outpouring of love.  It was her misfortune to deliver during a time of “war and hate” instead of “peace and love.”vwbugflower1

Now that I think about it I may have put the hippie flowers and peace sign on her because her pregnant belly reminds me of the VW bug I had in college, although my VW only had room for four.

Dad and the most powerful force on earth.

Me and dad

Some of a woman’s fondest childhood memories are times she spent with her dad.  My dad was a world class physicist.  If I had a dad who was a musician I would have played music with him.  If my dad was a carpenter I would have hammered nails with him.  My dad was a physicist so I did physics with him.

When I was 6 years old I came up with my own theory of universal order.  I noticed that when I woke up in the morning my shoes were not where I had left them.  They were often under the bed but definitely they were not side by side as I had so carefully placed them the night before.  So I went to my dad and told him my theory that the earth turns so fast gravity is not strong enough to hold things in place on the floor.  He did the coolest thing; he respected my theory and suggested we test it.

That night after I took off my shoes we placed them on the wood floor in my bedroom and my dad took a piece of chalk and drew an outline of the shoes, like one of those crime scene body outlines.  If my theory was true in the morning my shoes would be outside the line.

The next morning when I checked our experiment and saw that the shoes were still inside the chalk outline I had a corollary to my theory.  If the force from the earth’s rotation is stronger than the force of gravity, chalk was stronger than both.  Chalk keeps shoes in place.