F**Kabees

I subscribe to an email magazine.  It keeps me up on the latest trends.  I need to stay relevant.  A recent email article was about an organic bee and wasp trap.  The selling points were that is was organic and humane.  The article suggested that when you eat outdoors you can set the trap pam-beeta1using sugar and vinegar; the bees enter to chow down and can’t get out. When your meal is over you can empty the trap and “let them fly away.”  And now I am upset.  I have to be humane to a bee?  Who decided that when you picnic it was inhumane to trap and kill the stinging machines that are bees and wasps.  A single bee sting can kill someone who is allergic.  Then I thought if someone has decided I can’t kill bees it will not be long before some tree hugger will create an organization called BAP2 (Bees Are People 2) and then Pam Anderson protesting the abuse of bees will don a “bee-kini” and make a poster.  And then there will be legislation penalizing the mistreatment of bees and wasps.    Bee killers will be jailed.  The friends and families of the bee killers will try to protest but uncontrolled swarms of bees will attack and kill the protesters and then can the end of the world be far behind?

I got a grip and decided to go online and check out the manufacturer’s web site.  Apparently they don’t claim the bees survive the trap.  So, to quote Emily Litella, “Never mind.”

Politically correct, correcter and correctest

ben-old-cropped-final

Yesterday I cashed a check at the bank and got one of the old $100 bills.  The portrait of Benjamin Franklin on the old bill is different from the portrait on the new bill in several ways.  But the change that really frosts my balls is the removal of his fur collar.  Today it is not politically correct to wear fur.  So Old Ben is now dressedben-new2cropped-final1 like he shopped at Macy’s.  This is just wrong.  When Ben was outfitting himself he would go to furriers and tailors and leather smiths.  I say put the fur back on Ben and if him wearing fur frosts your balls then lets shop on Melrose for him.  Give him a sideways hat, a piercing, soul patch, bling and a Rolex.