Mr. President when did you find the time to sit down and write a book?

I know that it is a children’s book only a few dozen pages and illustrated, but in these times when the country is struggling with massive unemployment, a scary weak economy, rising health costs, rising education costs, not to mention a war half way around the world still claiming the lives of our sons and daughters couldn’t you have waited until you finished your job before you retired to the typewriter?

Please turn around and look out your window.

Next year on the ballot: viruses are living beings and have the right to vote

Recently I read in a local paper a piece that made me think.  The writer shared with us that on a recent night at 10 pm when she was letting the dogs out for one last time before they were to come in for the night she accidentally stepped on something that crunched.  The crunch under her flip-flops sent pangs of horror though her.  She turned on an outside light and saw that indeed she had crushed a snail.  The author saw nearby a “baby” snail “just as big as a minute” and felt like she had “ruined a family.”  She explains that with age she has gained a respect for life and that she has no business deciding when a life ends.  She admits to having arachnophobia but explains that when she sees a spider she gets a cup and a piece of hard paper and relocates the spider outside the walls of her home.

Most of the time animal rights people take things a little too far.  I object to the projection of human emotions on animals.  I think that it is disrespectful to the animal and very manipulative.  Maybe that mother snail was abusive in which case that baby was grateful for the loss of that parent. And instead of ruining a family the author had given the baby a bright future full of potential.  Now it could grow up to be a snail doctor or snail lawyer.

Where does the author  draw the line?  I wonder when the author gets strep throat if she takes antibiotics.  Bacteria are living.  If she takes the antibiotics she has caused the cessation of a life.

We need to be respectful of all living things but we don’t need to hold a funeral when we kill an insect.

Shame on Comedy Central for empowering extremists

Trey Parker and Matt Stone are national treasures.  I want my children to tune into South Park, and all other TV shows and films created by this talented duo.  Watching South Park my kids have learned tolerance, and acceptance. They have learned to appreciate that handicap people ( Jimmy and Timmy) are just as whole and complete as those who are not handicapped, and that  people no matter their sexual orientation (Big Gay Al and Mr. Garrison) are caring and giving people.  They have learned about the perils of peer pressure from watching Kyle and Stan resist succumbing.  My kids have learned about safe sex from Ms. Chokesondik, they have learned not to be afraid of an extremist named Bin Laden.  And my kids have learned about eternal optimism from Butters, a kid who if locked in a room full of donkey sh*t will happily play knowing that with all that donkey sh*t there has GOT to be a donkey in there somewhere…however if he brings the animal home his parents will probably ground him.

Trey Parker and Matt Stone should never, ever be censored.

There goes the neighborhood

The allegations are unthinkable and the numbers staggering especially the numbers of Priests involved, children violated, and years of inaction.  If this had occurred in any other organization, private or public, it would be the demise of that organization.  Sexual abuse of minors, especially at the hands of someone who is expected to protect and nurture them, is intolerable.  Under “normal” circumstances we could expect that after the first revelations of molestation and abuse the culprit would be removed from their position.  There would follow, and appropriately so, criminal and civil proceedings.  If the organization survives after paying the cost of those proceedings it would be inspired to make sure child abuse never happens again behind its doors.  I am sure that the Pope would like to think that he heads a very pious and moral organization.  I beg to differ.

Calling it as I see it.

Dr. Phil is not a doctor.  He is an old busybody lady who likes to stir up trouble where there isn’t any.  He invites people on his show, treats them to hotel stays, meals and limo rides.  At the studios his victims are pampered by the producers who dress, coif and apply heavy make-up so that they look pretty on camera.  When the camera rolls he works his special magic of creating the drama he needs to sustain his show.  Shame on you, Mrs. Phil…and shame on me for watching.

I dreamed I took a flight in my Maidenform Bra

Airline security has been heightened again. As the terrorists come up with ways to get by security in airports, TSA has to come up with ways to plug the exposed loophole.   When an idiot walked on a plane with tennis shoes spiked with explosives the answer the security came up with was to require us all to remove our shoes at the security check.  Lets hope that some “tranny” terrorist never gets aboard with an armed Maidenform.

PETA doesn’t know fish

PETA reared its ugly head again.  Seattle’s Pike Place is a must see for any visitor and a wonderful place to market for the locals.  The fish market atPike Place Pike place carries some of the freshest fish you can find.  Once a customer has chosen their fish, the employees who work the counter get the fish to the employees who wrap it by tossing the fish.  Tossing is the most efficient way to get the fish from point A to point B.  Recently PETA protested a proposed demonstration of “fish tossing”, saying the practice is one in “which animals are treated…disrespectfully.” PETA obviously failed to consult the fish.

F**Kabees

I subscribe to an email magazine.  It keeps me up on the latest trends.  I need to stay relevant.  A recent email article was about an organic bee and wasp trap.  The selling points were that is was organic and humane.  The article suggested that when you eat outdoors you can set the trap pam-beeta1using sugar and vinegar; the bees enter to chow down and can’t get out. When your meal is over you can empty the trap and “let them fly away.”  And now I am upset.  I have to be humane to a bee?  Who decided that when you picnic it was inhumane to trap and kill the stinging machines that are bees and wasps.  A single bee sting can kill someone who is allergic.  Then I thought if someone has decided I can’t kill bees it will not be long before some tree hugger will create an organization called BAP2 (Bees Are People 2) and then Pam Anderson protesting the abuse of bees will don a “bee-kini” and make a poster.  And then there will be legislation penalizing the mistreatment of bees and wasps.    Bee killers will be jailed.  The friends and families of the bee killers will try to protest but uncontrolled swarms of bees will attack and kill the protesters and then can the end of the world be far behind?

I got a grip and decided to go online and check out the manufacturer’s web site.  Apparently they don’t claim the bees survive the trap.  So, to quote Emily Litella, “Never mind.”

Politically correct, correcter and correctest

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Yesterday I cashed a check at the bank and got one of the old $100 bills.  The portrait of Benjamin Franklin on the old bill is different from the portrait on the new bill in several ways.  But the change that really frosts my balls is the removal of his fur collar.  Today it is not politically correct to wear fur.  So Old Ben is now dressedben-new2cropped-final1 like he shopped at Macy’s.  This is just wrong.  When Ben was outfitting himself he would go to furriers and tailors and leather smiths.  I say put the fur back on Ben and if him wearing fur frosts your balls then lets shop on Melrose for him.  Give him a sideways hat, a piercing, soul patch, bling and a Rolex.

The Pet Police Are At It Again

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The pet Nazis are at it again.  Vice President Joe Biden received a German Sheppard puppy for his birthday from his wife Jill.  The knee jerk reaction of PETA and their cohorts was to attack and murmur this little tidbit of a sound bite, “Buy one get one killed.”  Their convoluted logic is that when a breeder sells a dog a shelter kills a dog.  There is no cause and effect relationship there.  When a breeder sells a puppy all the dogs in the shelter are safe.  To all PETA I say, “Down Sparky.”

What PETA would like to hide from the public as they promote the adoption of dogs in the shelters is that many dogs end up there as an “owner surrender.”  And why would an owner give up a dog?  Many give up a dog because they weren’t cut out for dog ownership and as a result many dogs that find themselves in shelters are not “socialized.”

The unfortunate canines may have been mistreated and perhaps abused by those who were in control.  The result is an animal that is mistrustful of humans.  When a dog cannot trust humans it must fall back on its innate instinct and then the result is a de-domesticated animal.  If you tie a playful puppy up to a post and kick him every hour it is not long before the puppy is no longer playful but now a killer. If you adopt from a shelter you should be prepared to re-domesticate the canine.  And that takes time, patience and skill.

And here’s another irony, if the PETA people had their way all cats and dogs would be sterilized within the first months of life.  And if that happened they would soon be extinct.  And if there are no pets, there is no PETA.  How mind-blowing is that.

PETA is at the extreme.  They need to lighten up for the sake of all animals…and dare I say it, humans. I repeat to PETA, “Down Sparky.”